Dawn broke late again today
No sleep for the young except the early grave
Empty bottles clustered in huddled masses of warm beer
All the kids tired and sick, weary of their fear
Started the night with five drinks and a fight
Swelled a man's eye shut, didn't matter who was right
Afterwards we swallowed away our pain
All those bitter capsules, we forgot their names
I remembered the morning we spent by the lake
That night we almost missed the last ferry we could take
The afternoon spent ankle deep in the sea
Watching those happy people getting married
Me and the kids drinking and singing the night away
If you think you love something, destroy it for a day
Oh, it was fire water and pills that kill
Hard drugs and hard memories, we've all had our fill
Expired prescriptions for sicknesses we don’t have
Muscle relaxants and amphetamines so it’s not all bad
Well we tried our best to commit suicide
We’d had enough of running, now it was time to hide
There’s a shelter in yourself where you don’t feel like dying
We had liquor for the pain and Xanax for living
I commiserated with the broken hearted
All those lost souls that never finished what they started
It was getting early when I drove out to the park
Stumbled onto the grass and fumbled in the dark
Hid my car from the cops in the cul-de-sac
Smoked all my cigarettes, calling for you to come back
Weak kneed, trouble breathing, eyes dim and red
Oh, I was still alive but still feeling dead
Got high on the swings, got low on the slide
I cried and I lied, I spent the night outside
I was strung out on speed and homegrown weed
When the sun came up I felt empty in need
So I staggered out to church and I fell to my knees
And I said, lord oh lord won't you believe in me please?
I'll return the favor
If only you’d save her
Another night spent surrounded and alone
Waiting for you to come home
Monday, November 19, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
God Made Man In His Own Image
Welcome to the electric pulses
Of our existential comedies
Lightning eyes winking out
Camera lenses turning shut
On our whirring clockwork hearts
The animals in our lifeblood, salty as the sea
Just food and fuel to the parasites in our bellies
Every egg a planet
Every sperm a maggot
Our battery draining thinking machines
Wasting all our energies
Opening our mouths,
Full of gap-toothed gears
All the better to grind you with
Artificial arms for a cold steel embrace
All the better to measure you with
In my left hand, potential
In my right hand, denial
Where we were is where we’re going
We are going to become one with god
Welcome to the fingers crossed
In our mechanical tragedies
We are going to have as much power as god
Every perfect copy a wave in the sea
Of our digitally precise human grid
We are going to have the knowledge of god
Of all the stars in your eyes that reflected me
Of our existential comedies
Lightning eyes winking out
Camera lenses turning shut
On our whirring clockwork hearts
The animals in our lifeblood, salty as the sea
Just food and fuel to the parasites in our bellies
Every egg a planet
Every sperm a maggot
Our battery draining thinking machines
Wasting all our energies
Opening our mouths,
Full of gap-toothed gears
All the better to grind you with
Artificial arms for a cold steel embrace
All the better to measure you with
In my left hand, potential
In my right hand, denial
Where we were is where we’re going
We are going to become one with god
Welcome to the fingers crossed
In our mechanical tragedies
We are going to have as much power as god
Every perfect copy a wave in the sea
Of our digitally precise human grid
We are going to have the knowledge of god
Of all the stars in your eyes that reflected me
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
The Good Life
Seven AM and I'm going to bed
Another night spent worrying all alone
The sun's coming up and my eyes are red
Another night waiting for you to come home
Maybe I'm living the good life you left for dead
I'll drink with friends and laugh till dawn
But let’s not dwell on what I said
Loving and being loved seem so far out of reach
It was a long time ago when I was still young
I learned the lessons life had to teach
That there’s no kind of love like the love you lose
And when it comes to luck you make your own
Or people will either use or be used
And there are those who are just abused
But there are the ones who love to live
Because they have all life has to give
Well, my heart’s giving up on all this abuse
And maybe it’s time that yours did too
Remembering the little things that made you laugh
Or the bigger things that made you scream
Whispering in my mouth when you were happy
Both of us just as content as we seemed
Yeah, we were living the good life we left for dead
Maybe we really thought it could last
So if you think it's too easy to be misled
Well, just use your ears and eyes
And say all of your goodbyes
But don't believe everything I said
Or even all the things you see
Darling, please forgive me
And the way I was bred
Now that you’re privy to my lies
You should say all your goodbyes
Because now nothing’s getting in your head
Because in the end here’s how it’ll turn out
We’ll both be looking for something
Two cars in the night with our lights out
Just wanting to put it all right
Needing to know what our lives were about
Well, I remember the night I kissed you
So hard there were tears in your eyes
And they were the color of water,
The eyes of my former lovers
When we thought to ourselves, maybe the good life
Won’t be out of reach tonight
Another night spent worrying all alone
The sun's coming up and my eyes are red
Another night waiting for you to come home
Maybe I'm living the good life you left for dead
I'll drink with friends and laugh till dawn
But let’s not dwell on what I said
Loving and being loved seem so far out of reach
It was a long time ago when I was still young
I learned the lessons life had to teach
That there’s no kind of love like the love you lose
And when it comes to luck you make your own
Or people will either use or be used
And there are those who are just abused
But there are the ones who love to live
Because they have all life has to give
Well, my heart’s giving up on all this abuse
And maybe it’s time that yours did too
Remembering the little things that made you laugh
Or the bigger things that made you scream
Whispering in my mouth when you were happy
Both of us just as content as we seemed
Yeah, we were living the good life we left for dead
Maybe we really thought it could last
So if you think it's too easy to be misled
Well, just use your ears and eyes
And say all of your goodbyes
But don't believe everything I said
Or even all the things you see
Darling, please forgive me
And the way I was bred
Now that you’re privy to my lies
You should say all your goodbyes
Because now nothing’s getting in your head
Because in the end here’s how it’ll turn out
We’ll both be looking for something
Two cars in the night with our lights out
Just wanting to put it all right
Needing to know what our lives were about
Well, I remember the night I kissed you
So hard there were tears in your eyes
And they were the color of water,
The eyes of my former lovers
When we thought to ourselves, maybe the good life
Won’t be out of reach tonight
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Rearranged (AFB)
I’d gone too long without dreaming of dying again
I lost my life like I lost my mind
Letting it all go, leaving everything behind
This place was meant for living and then moving out
I was sitting in the shadow of an air force base
Thinking of people it may as well have erased
I dreamed I met you again
But no hello like we were old friends
You were a stranger in every sense of the word
Like there was no one like you in the world
Well your body’s the same
And your face hasn’t changed
Maybe you have the same dreams
Deep in your brain
But your heart is new and wild to me,
Untamable and inaccessible
Mysterious and impenetrable
Well that’s when it started to pour
So it was hand in hand into the rain
Wanting to ask you your new name
Flagging taxicabs, running from something
We rode all night to escape our lives
War and peace, love and hate
Isn't it all the same?
We ran for days and days
But we didn't get anywhere
Mile after mile stretched behind us
But in the end nothing changed
Baby, it's been years and years
But nothing was even rearranged
Now it’s waking up to giving up everything
Just so we could find something
Please, just to put your hands on anything
It’s just living like there was no other way
Just knowing you’re dying every day
With every single breath you take
And well you’ve just got to fight and cry
And steal and lie for every scrap of meaning
And it’s thinking about how we spent our final moments
How your last night at home we laughed until dawn
In the face of that sorrow we pretended nothing was wrong
Yeah, covering up all that pain we can hide
Trying to make believe like nothing died
But maybe there’s still a chance we can still get out
Maybe it’s not too late for us to figure out
There’s still you and I and we’re still alive
And there’s still always the night when I
Kissed you so hard there were tears in your eyes
I lost my life like I lost my mind
Letting it all go, leaving everything behind
This place was meant for living and then moving out
I was sitting in the shadow of an air force base
Thinking of people it may as well have erased
I dreamed I met you again
But no hello like we were old friends
You were a stranger in every sense of the word
Like there was no one like you in the world
Well your body’s the same
And your face hasn’t changed
Maybe you have the same dreams
Deep in your brain
But your heart is new and wild to me,
Untamable and inaccessible
Mysterious and impenetrable
Well that’s when it started to pour
So it was hand in hand into the rain
Wanting to ask you your new name
Flagging taxicabs, running from something
We rode all night to escape our lives
War and peace, love and hate
Isn't it all the same?
We ran for days and days
But we didn't get anywhere
Mile after mile stretched behind us
But in the end nothing changed
Baby, it's been years and years
But nothing was even rearranged
Now it’s waking up to giving up everything
Just so we could find something
Please, just to put your hands on anything
It’s just living like there was no other way
Just knowing you’re dying every day
With every single breath you take
And well you’ve just got to fight and cry
And steal and lie for every scrap of meaning
And it’s thinking about how we spent our final moments
How your last night at home we laughed until dawn
In the face of that sorrow we pretended nothing was wrong
Yeah, covering up all that pain we can hide
Trying to make believe like nothing died
But maybe there’s still a chance we can still get out
Maybe it’s not too late for us to figure out
There’s still you and I and we’re still alive
And there’s still always the night when I
Kissed you so hard there were tears in your eyes
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Heart of the World
I’ve been walking through the rain to the ends of the world
Passing through the same towns as you might have gone through
I’m on my way to the center of the earth
Trying to find my way to hell
And ghosts of people, maybe ones who’re not yet dead
They meet me at every little goddamn turn
Standing over their tiny open graves, smiling
And they say to me: “Son, you gotta bury your heart here
Leave behind that heavy part of you
Just go on living with only the truth
And the belief that you can be content.”
And well let’s pull that iron curtain back and open the door
Let’s tear up all the carpet and see what’s under that floor
Like maybe we were hiding something from
Anyone who could have cared
Why’s it so hard to open up our hearts?
We keep shutting each other out of our lives
As if we could shut out the pain.
So if you used to believe in God, or still do
Well, there’s nothing I can say to change that in you
So I’ll still bow my head and say grace over our food
But inside I’ll dedicate it to you.
But now I wonder if you dedicated each day
To the sole purpose of just running away
Maybe hoping someone would catch you and say
“My, what a pretty young thing you are.”
Maybe then you would finally want to stay
Maybe you would stop feeling like a runaway
You could stop being so much like a suicide
Maybe I wasn’t your favorite way to die
No you’ve picked another poison now, a brand new way
To close your little eyes and go to bed
Isn’t life easier with happiness in it?
So I’m on a train now just going nowhere
Swinging my boots, kicking up the dust of the world,
Letting my sorrows pass me by
Truth is I’d ride to the end of the line
Turn this thing around and go to the start of it all
Like maybe I could change something or be at all
Satisfied with myself
I’m standing here on the edge of the world
Kicking stones into eternity
Like I could find happiness at the end of it all
Well, I certainly hope so
So I’ll turn my back and allow myself hope
That maybe I won’t need a flashlight or any rope
I won’t need a compass or even a map
To navigate your soul
And when finally I get to where I’m going maybe
I’ll find peace in the heart of the world
Sitting in my cradle being content at last
Like I found my road to hell
Paved as it is with good intentions
Maybe it could also follow conventions
And be straight and narrow at least
Passing through the same towns as you might have gone through
I’m on my way to the center of the earth
Trying to find my way to hell
And ghosts of people, maybe ones who’re not yet dead
They meet me at every little goddamn turn
Standing over their tiny open graves, smiling
And they say to me: “Son, you gotta bury your heart here
Leave behind that heavy part of you
Just go on living with only the truth
And the belief that you can be content.”
And well let’s pull that iron curtain back and open the door
Let’s tear up all the carpet and see what’s under that floor
Like maybe we were hiding something from
Anyone who could have cared
Why’s it so hard to open up our hearts?
We keep shutting each other out of our lives
As if we could shut out the pain.
So if you used to believe in God, or still do
Well, there’s nothing I can say to change that in you
So I’ll still bow my head and say grace over our food
But inside I’ll dedicate it to you.
But now I wonder if you dedicated each day
To the sole purpose of just running away
Maybe hoping someone would catch you and say
“My, what a pretty young thing you are.”
Maybe then you would finally want to stay
Maybe you would stop feeling like a runaway
You could stop being so much like a suicide
Maybe I wasn’t your favorite way to die
No you’ve picked another poison now, a brand new way
To close your little eyes and go to bed
Isn’t life easier with happiness in it?
So I’m on a train now just going nowhere
Swinging my boots, kicking up the dust of the world,
Letting my sorrows pass me by
Truth is I’d ride to the end of the line
Turn this thing around and go to the start of it all
Like maybe I could change something or be at all
Satisfied with myself
I’m standing here on the edge of the world
Kicking stones into eternity
Like I could find happiness at the end of it all
Well, I certainly hope so
So I’ll turn my back and allow myself hope
That maybe I won’t need a flashlight or any rope
I won’t need a compass or even a map
To navigate your soul
And when finally I get to where I’m going maybe
I’ll find peace in the heart of the world
Sitting in my cradle being content at last
Like I found my road to hell
Paved as it is with good intentions
Maybe it could also follow conventions
And be straight and narrow at least
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Chalk Dust
Chalk dust on the sidewalk
Next to the vote for me’s and interest meetings
To show you how impermanent you are
Like a snowflake or a hall
In the grandest sand castle on
The back of a million crushed stones
My heart isn’t nearly as hard as they were
Chalk dust for you to walk on
Maybe you’ll carry it with you
In your clothes or in your hair,
In your eyes, in your lungs, in your mind
Like words in the sand, “I love you,” “(Heart), (Your name),”
Or “well, nothing lasts forever,” or stays the same,
Especially with the tide coming in,
So I think I’ll sit and wait for the rain.
Next to the vote for me’s and interest meetings
To show you how impermanent you are
Like a snowflake or a hall
In the grandest sand castle on
The back of a million crushed stones
My heart isn’t nearly as hard as they were
Chalk dust for you to walk on
Maybe you’ll carry it with you
In your clothes or in your hair,
In your eyes, in your lungs, in your mind
Like words in the sand, “I love you,” “(Heart), (Your name),”
Or “well, nothing lasts forever,” or stays the same,
Especially with the tide coming in,
So I think I’ll sit and wait for the rain.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Spoken Word Triptych
She Saw
You came home drunk
Again this morning
Seven AM and unable
to walk Your
friends supported
you to the bathroom
And you kissed the
toilet goodnight
In the evening you
didn’t Dare to do the
Same to me Not with
the lipstick on your
collar and under those
jeans So you
had Two too many
too many to think
straight She had
my eyes and they
caught Yours.
She Said
The usual She is a
Whore a Floozy
I hope she was
Worth every Second
Of course I screamed
I cried It’s your
Fault I died
You are no better
I pour your coffee
and I can’t smash
It against your head
I hope my eyes
were brighter in Her
face And I know
they were so after
all the obligated
anger all I
can think to say is
Nothing.
She Left
It was quick as
I could out the door
It’s been so long
I don’t even know how
To be alone Anymore
but now I can’t go back
to the house half
mine so I remember
what You said and there’s Paris at
Christmas and
the airport and a plane
waiting for me to find
Something else
Anything giving up
Everything but at the
terminal I still had my
eyes and they caught
Yours.
You came home drunk
Again this morning
Seven AM and unable
to walk Your
friends supported
you to the bathroom
And you kissed the
toilet goodnight
In the evening you
didn’t Dare to do the
Same to me Not with
the lipstick on your
collar and under those
jeans So you
had Two too many
too many to think
straight She had
my eyes and they
caught Yours.
She Said
The usual She is a
Whore a Floozy
I hope she was
Worth every Second
Of course I screamed
I cried It’s your
Fault I died
You are no better
I pour your coffee
and I can’t smash
It against your head
I hope my eyes
were brighter in Her
face And I know
they were so after
all the obligated
anger all I
can think to say is
Nothing.
She Left
It was quick as
I could out the door
It’s been so long
I don’t even know how
To be alone Anymore
but now I can’t go back
to the house half
mine so I remember
what You said and there’s Paris at
Christmas and
the airport and a plane
waiting for me to find
Something else
Anything giving up
Everything but at the
terminal I still had my
eyes and they caught
Yours.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Damaged Goods
It must be this coldness that’s the worst
Thinking of you doesn’t even bring me sadness now
Maybe I’m no longer jealous of you
I’m sorry, I mean I’m happy for you
So now it’s eating, drinking, sleeping alone
Dreaming alone like I used to do
It’s better now
I’m sure it’s so much better now
But dear friend I hate how you now talk to me
Lately it’s just been all these unspoken apologies
And well, all this aggressive sympathy
It’s really starting to get to me
But you’re so alive for once in your life
Maybe one day you’ll be dead like me
Truth is this is no way to live
Skipping class or skipping town
Just always leaving your lovers behind
Going out to your grave
And always leaving flowers behind
Maybe growing up’s not what life is all about
Could be growing apart, maybe moving out
It’s like waking up every day
To work from nine to five
Forgive me but when are you
Going to have time to feel alive?
Well, I hope our lives didn’t pass us by
I hope the only loss was you and I
Cause I’m happy for you if you’re happy to be
More than you and I could be
Maybe you’ll feel like you know you always should
It’s hard to live when we’re just damaged goods
~Ben
Thinking of you doesn’t even bring me sadness now
Maybe I’m no longer jealous of you
I’m sorry, I mean I’m happy for you
So now it’s eating, drinking, sleeping alone
Dreaming alone like I used to do
It’s better now
I’m sure it’s so much better now
But dear friend I hate how you now talk to me
Lately it’s just been all these unspoken apologies
And well, all this aggressive sympathy
It’s really starting to get to me
But you’re so alive for once in your life
Maybe one day you’ll be dead like me
Truth is this is no way to live
Skipping class or skipping town
Just always leaving your lovers behind
Going out to your grave
And always leaving flowers behind
Maybe growing up’s not what life is all about
Could be growing apart, maybe moving out
It’s like waking up every day
To work from nine to five
Forgive me but when are you
Going to have time to feel alive?
Well, I hope our lives didn’t pass us by
I hope the only loss was you and I
Cause I’m happy for you if you’re happy to be
More than you and I could be
Maybe you’ll feel like you know you always should
It’s hard to live when we’re just damaged goods
~Ben
Sunday, January 7, 2007
Well I started writing a book...
Well I started writing a book.
It's about some kids like you and me.
But now it's like a goddamn biography
And I think that's just how it's gonna be
I mean that's just how it's gotta be.
And yeah I made some plans but they fell through
And all of your promises you didn't carry through
Even now I guess I still can't blame you
I guess that's how it's gonna be too.
That's when you told me that's how it's gotta be.
Well maybe now I'm starting to believe
That that's just how it's gonna be.
We drifted apart, maybe more than physically
And you said you were in love with me
You didn't have to use those words
Cause baby I can lie and say to any stranger
I can tell her how much I'm in love with her
And baby that's how it's gotta be,
I always thought I needed you
More than you needed me.
It's about some kids like you and me.
But now it's like a goddamn biography
And I think that's just how it's gonna be
I mean that's just how it's gotta be.
And yeah I made some plans but they fell through
And all of your promises you didn't carry through
Even now I guess I still can't blame you
I guess that's how it's gonna be too.
That's when you told me that's how it's gotta be.
Well maybe now I'm starting to believe
That that's just how it's gonna be.
We drifted apart, maybe more than physically
And you said you were in love with me
You didn't have to use those words
Cause baby I can lie and say to any stranger
I can tell her how much I'm in love with her
And baby that's how it's gotta be,
I always thought I needed you
More than you needed me.
The Fight
Launch another tirade
Your verbal crusade
Cmon pile on those lies
You’re so psycho
Logical? Effing ineffable
Earthly unshakable
Unblinking insatiable
Ruthlessly immeasurable
Horrifically beautiful
You just can’t be ignored
How can you fight a war
You didn’t know you won
How can I quit a drug I
Didn’t know I was on?
Well, there’s no denying it
I’m yours I’m yours I’m yours
But I wish you would treat me like
You’re mine you’re mine you’re mine
So cmon blow your top
Pull out every stop
You know I’m good for it
Throw me around
Or push me down
You know I can take a hit
Pull my hair and bite my lip
You’re so aggressively passive
Violently violet
Flushing or blushing
If only hitting on you
Solved all my problems too
Your verbal crusade
Cmon pile on those lies
You’re so psycho
Logical? Effing ineffable
Earthly unshakable
Unblinking insatiable
Ruthlessly immeasurable
Horrifically beautiful
You just can’t be ignored
How can you fight a war
You didn’t know you won
How can I quit a drug I
Didn’t know I was on?
Well, there’s no denying it
I’m yours I’m yours I’m yours
But I wish you would treat me like
You’re mine you’re mine you’re mine
So cmon blow your top
Pull out every stop
You know I’m good for it
Throw me around
Or push me down
You know I can take a hit
Pull my hair and bite my lip
You’re so aggressively passive
Violently violet
Flushing or blushing
If only hitting on you
Solved all my problems too
The Republican Army
We sang our anthems of the republican army
We wanted so bad to be revolutionary
It wasn't good enough to die for a cause
Now we had to fix every flaw
Well raise the flag boys
Line the soldiers up like toys,
Squares of ten by ten
These are the drums of martial men
Lady, all's fair in love and war
It's not important what it's for
You gotta be yourself in the land of the free
If you can’t be that what would you be?
Would you be me?
We wanted so bad to be revolutionary
It wasn't good enough to die for a cause
Now we had to fix every flaw
Well raise the flag boys
Line the soldiers up like toys,
Squares of ten by ten
These are the drums of martial men
Lady, all's fair in love and war
It's not important what it's for
You gotta be yourself in the land of the free
If you can’t be that what would you be?
Would you be me?
Saturday, January 6, 2007
207/212
We took the ferry across the channel. We had come by the tunnel but now we were going over that tunnel. The weight of the water and our sorrows pressed down on the concrete tube and made it groan with the sighs of a hundred submerged years. I took your hand in mine. It was cold like it usually is. Your tears blew behind you in the wind. I couldn’t tell. It was raining. Your lips had turned blue. So had mine. The water behind us churned with white foam. The ferry had sprung a leak. It was only figurative. Still, the captain warned us. He said we had two more minutes to live in the memories of man. He jumped ship and swam to shore. It wasn’t far. I am a strong swimmer. You are fairly competent. We closed our eyes and fell into the ocean. You started to sink. Your memories, you said, were too much to lift. I took your hand and pulled you up. I couldn’t swim with the weight of my sorrows. My cigarettes fell out of my pocket. My sorrows were lifted. I pulled you to the shore. The seawall was tall and slick with the blood of the sea. The tank traps of a long forgotten war still sat on the beach. We sat on one and felt the ancient concrete give with the burden of our lives. The sun finally set. We blew smoke out of our mouths and watched the steam rise off each other. Your eyes were red from the salt. I kissed them. Your tears tasted like the ocean. It was cold. You were warm.
PROMPT: "the last five minutes in an experimental black and white french film"
PROMPT: "the last five minutes in an experimental black and white french film"
Friday, January 5, 2007
Fridge Poetry
I must stop her rain
But under an urge
Hot peaches when you need
He
Is
Lazy
Honey
-------------------------------------
They may go but you say
Their bare skin
A shining knife
Was white as milk
Me and you
Easy
As
Iron
-------------------------------------
Tonguing aches like a sad picture
Goddess above drunk on purple petals
Men and boys ask please let me play
Only I smear the moment away
Someplace the TV still stares
But under an urge
Hot peaches when you need
He
Is
Lazy
Honey
-------------------------------------
They may go but you say
Their bare skin
A shining knife
Was white as milk
Me and you
Easy
As
Iron
-------------------------------------
Tonguing aches like a sad picture
Goddess above drunk on purple petals
Men and boys ask please let me play
Only I smear the moment away
Someplace the TV still stares
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